I've read Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn more times than I care to tell. (Which is upwards of five times each.) I read Dangerous Girls by R. L. Stine after I sorta stole it from my friend (It got boring, so I never finished chapter 3 of the second book). I've been watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Hulu.com. I've read the first three books of Vampirates, which are, to me, boring.
It reminds me one time when I ate a chocolate donut and sorta puked it up on the car ride home.
That's what it's like. Vampires are chocolate donuts, except they're less edible.
Hey, here's a message for all you semi-rabid Twilight fans out there: BELIEVE IT OR NOT, EDWARD AND BELLA AREN'T REAL. JACOB IS REAL, BUT ONLY BECAUSE THERE'S MORE THAN ONE JACOB IN THE WORLD. WELL, OKAY, IF JACOB EXISTS, THEN I SUPPOSE BELLA SWAN IS REAL BECAUSE I KNOW OF A REAL-LIFE ISABELLA SWAN. NO, I DON'T THINK SHE KNOWS ANY VAMPIRES THAT SHE CAN HOOK YOU UP WITH. SORRY.
Here's one of my annoyances with vamps: Either they drink human blood because they have to but they're still good or they drink it because they want to and they're evil or they don't drink it because of some random, obscure moral obligation that now that I think of it, it isn't obscure or random at all.
Is there some law that vampires have to like the taste of blood?
... Probaby, now that I think of it.
Anyways, here's my idea. What if there's this one vampire that thinks blood tastes gross?
Naturally, everyone of you will think that it's a dumb idea. Like I care. But whatever. Criticize me later.
Here's another one: Vampires are impossible and so authors sometimes try to use science to explain them.
My explaination: Aw, shut up! Who cares? It bogs down the story and causes you to think about the problematic origin of vampires. If you're like me, eventually you'll reach the conclusion that vampires are impossible (which you have to ignore for the story to be enjoyable) and that conclusion will make you be very annoyed with the book and it will be like, "I don't want to read this book. It's lame."
My next problem is that vampires are fiction. Not real. Fake. Made-up. Fantasy. Imagination. Tall tell. A day-dream. (Yeah, I used a thesuarus. www.Theasuarus.reference.com, to be exact.) Now, I don't know about some people, but that's a turn-off for me. If vampires were real (and NOT evil) then I'd be mostly fine with them. Since they aren't, then I've decided to ignore them and the pop culture surrounding them for a decade or so. (Or until Stephenie Meyer announces that another vampire/werewolf/half-vampire book is coming out. In which case I'll have no other option than to go and get twenty bucks and buy it at Target or Barnes & Noble.)
But whatever. Vampires and co. aren't really real, so I don't really care enough about them other than to use them as subject matter for my blog that I haven't updated in about... 13 days. Oh. Wait. I thought it had been longer.
But whatever.
No comments:
Post a Comment