How To Catch a Liar

Here are some tips to spot a lie. I know that a bunch of people have already written about stuff like this (mostly since I'm sort of copying this off of those people), but like I care! It's much more fun this way.

ANYWAYS, here's the stuff that I'm not being paid to do and that you probably came to this pretty amature-ish blog for:

1. They add unnecessary details. Please note: This is not a surefire way to tell if someone is lying (since people do stuff like that all the time) and you have to promise not sue me if you accuse someone of lying based on this alone and it turns out that they're not.
2. Their expressions and gestures do not match their words. Example: "I hate that guy!" while hiding a smile.
3. Bill is accused of having an affair. He publicly announces that he did not, but something isn't right, namely that of his eyes pointing in a different direction of his hand. (Anyone who watches Lie To Me would know that I stole this example from them.)
4. Timing being off. If they hit a table with a fist after they deny whatever it is that you think they did, then chances are that they're lying.
5. They use contractions less. Instead of saying, "I didn't do that thing that you say I did," they say "I did not do that thing that you say I did and frankly, I'm annoyed at you for even thinking for an instant that I would even consider doing that!" It's probable that they want to emphasize that they're being honest even if they're lying through their teeth.
6. They want to change the subject. I mean, if I were to lie to you about eating your Charleston Chew candy bar, then I'd want you to start talking about something else before I gave myself away. The example for #5, for example, "I did not do that thing that you say I did and frankly, I'm annoyed at you for even thinking for an intant that I would even consider doing that!" is an exellent example. For one thing, the sentence doesn't use contractions, adds unnecessary detail (all the words after "you say I did"), changes the subject by accusing you of being disloyal, and if it were said out loud would probably be accompanied by an expression of slight fear, anger, and other stuff that is in no way related.
7. And above all (which I find ironic since this is the one that is the farthest down on the list), if they act differently than what they would if they weren't lying. Twitching, holding still, eye contact, or lack thereof, smiling, frowning, nervous, calm, none of that means anything if you have no clue what they're like normally. I mean, I'm a rather calm person who doesn't like having eye contact with someone for more than a few seconds, and I don't like being stared at very long. If I was twitching like I'd drank 300mg of caffine in the last five minutes (I don't drink caffine; again, notice how I used a contraction instead of "do not"), then chances are I'd either be V-E-R-Y excited for something or else I was lying my head off. Off course, if I wasn't moving at all, that could mean I was trying very hard to not give myself away with any gestures or expression. (Or else that I'd died in the middle of a conversation. I don't think that this situation will ever come up, but it always helps to add random details.) It's harder for someone to lie to you if you know them extremely well and spend a lot of time around them.

Well, that's pretty much all I know about catching liars. Honestly, though, it would really be better if you googled the topic several more times before trying any of these methods out because 1) I recommended them and 2) I really, really suck at catching people in the act. Watch Lie To Me at hulu.com if you want to see more tips on the subject. For one thing, it's a crime show and for another it's what I'm basing several of these tips off of. Plus, it uses Obama as an example of lying. Not that I really hate Obama, it's just that he really annoys me.